


Take Me Somewhere Nice

by InfiniteSoul



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff, I AM SORRY, M/M, but later, strain powers, there is sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 02:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5189426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteSoul/pseuds/InfiniteSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yata dies after an incident in Mihashira Tower, only to wake up in the after life with the chance to go back to the living world. But for every good thing that is presented, there must be a price to pay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Somewhere Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Lol i dont really know why i wrote this, but here it is. I only edited about half of it, so im sorry, i'll go back in a little while and fix it! The writing is also kinda weird in the beginning cuz i tried to do a different style, but it didn't really work xD
> 
> The song this is inspired by is called Take Me Somewhere Nice by: Mogwai. Please listen to it, and the lyrics will make more sense next chapter. Anyways, hope you like it! Ill go get started on the next chapter of Written in Ink now xD

Misaki doesn't remember how it happened.

Doesn't remember what Saru had said to him before their fight inside Mihashira Tower. He doesn't remember the harsh words that were exchanged. He doesn't pay attention to the rumbling, the shaking, until it sends enormous tremors through the entire building. He doesn't know what caused the huge explosion several stories above them or how it somehow traveled down to their level, the ceiling caving in around them. He doesn't know what Saruhiko's thinking as he moves toward him, large chunks of concrete and metal poles looming closer and closer above the blue clansman, who simply watches. He doesn't recall when his body had started to move on its own. And he doesn't understand the horrified feeling he has throughout the entire experience.

All he remembers are Saruhiko's wide eyes and the striking fear that kept the blue rooted in place, staring, as the debris above him whispers silent promises to crush him.

All he remembers is a pulsing, distinctive _need._ A need to move faster. A need to run. A need to reach out and touch the person right in front of his eyes, to feel the warmth of flesh and blood underneath his fingertips.

A need to make it in time. 

He doesn't remember feeling concerned for himself. He remembers feeling trivial, unimportant, if only in that moment alone. 

He doesn't know what drives him to push forward, to scream out his name, to extend his hand to the single person in front of him; the person who tears his gaze away from the crumbling havoc above him to stare deep into Misaki's horrified eyes, his own two hopeless pitch dark pools.

All he knows is that he has to reach him, that vulnerable look on his face and that painful, lost expression in his eyes ripping him to shreds with every moment that passes between them. 

All he knows is that he never wants to see that look ever again.

But the growing, fearful confusion is just as bad.

But he knows he won't stop, can't stop.

_Hey..._

His hand extends out, brushing against the fabric of that annoying blue coat and one more step has his hand planted on the others chest, pushing, shoving Saruhiko away. 

_Saru..._

Saruhiko falls away, and Misaki smiles, but he feels something wet slide down his cheek. Maybe it's blood, he thinks, knows he's only trying to fool himself.

_There's so much I want to ask..._

He sees Saruhiko's eyes widen in realization as he's shoved away, only to be replaced by a steadily replacing panic. A panic that reaches down into the very depths of his soul, a desperate fear that is gradually taking over everything, and Misaki sees it all. He sees all the things Saruhiko usually keeps hidden in those piercing, so fucking scared but oh so beautiful ice blue eyes of his. 

_So much I want to tell you..._

And its that panicking fear he sees that breaks him, and he feels more of that wetness sliding down his face, but he can't help but smile, although he knows his eyes must be showing everything he can't quite find a way to express. 

_But if we had a choice..._

He just hopes Saruhiko finds contentment in there somewhere.

_If we could somehow go back..._

Apparently he does, because although he can basically feel the concrete only feet above him, he sees something in Saruhiko's eyes snap, something strong and powerful, and that desperation has turned into pain, pained loss and hurt and oh god he didn't want this, didn't want to see this, didn't want things to end like this, but couldn't bear it if it had ended any differently.  _  
_

_Would you reset time together with me?_

He couldn't sit and do nothing, watch the metal and rock pierce into the very person he treasured above everything else. 

_Would you stay with me?_

The person he would protect above all else, despite all that had happened. 

 _If I had_ _looked a little harder, would we have been happy?_

Misaki never wanted to part, not like this, not with him watching with broken loss and fear and tears in his eyes, and his mouth opening as he called out his name, a cry of desperation ringing out, and Misaki just smiles sadly.

_If we had a second chance..._

Saruhiko is pushed out of the way of the falling debris, but tries to push himself back up and reach for Misaki. 

_Would you take that chance with me?_

And Misaki falls onto his hands and knees, just barely scrapping by the huge chunk of the ceiling that made up the next floor, pauses for a second, wondering if by some stroke of luck he'd dodged all the falling pieces.

He lets out a small breath, looks up at Saruhiko in surprise, but what he sees makes his blood run cold. Saruhiko's eyes are dead, lifeless, as he watches three metal poles descend upon the boy who had saved him. Mercilessly, without restraint.

Without care.

Misaki makes a barely audible gasp, one by one, each pole sliding through the flesh of his body and stopping only when they hit the ground underneath him. One piercing through his shoulder, another through his lung, and finally the last sliding through his abdomen. There's blood everywhere, sliding down the metal poles and pooling on the floor, dripping out the corner of Misaki's mouth. There's blood everywhere and Misaki just looks shocked, his face scrunching up in pain, the entire time looking deep into Saruhiko's eyes. He feels blood welling up inside his lung, and its becoming harder and harder for him breath, and Misaki is at a loss as he watches a single wet teardrop escape Saru's eye, and he can't help the heartbroken laugh that bubbles up as he sees it slip onto the floor only a couple of feet away from him. 

And Misaki finds it ironic, because he's so close, he's always been so close but so far away, too far for him to reach and it just makes him want to puke and cry and scream because everything is so unfair. 

_Hey Saru..._

He tries to reach out to the younger boy, despair drowning in his amber eyes and Saruhiko just lets out a broken whimper.  He shakily starts to crawl over to him, to that outstretched hand that somehow makes him feel like its mocking him. But he reaches for it anyways.

_If I were to ask..._

Their finger tips brush against each other in a feather light touch, so gentle and caring. As if searching to see if that person is really there, alive under their touch, before they're intertwining their fingers together, and Misaki is starting to slump forward and Saruhiko tightens his grip and catches him before he falls. He tries to adjust Misaki in his arms so he could hold him against his lap, but the metal poles are long and protruding from Misaki's body, and each time they move Misaki's face twists up in agony and he lets out a silent cry. 

Misaki watches as Saruhiko cries, his breathing uneven, almost frantic, as he pulls Misaki closer to him, small unintelligible noises coming from his throat, and it's those sounds that cause another teardrop to slip from the corner of his eye. 

And then he feels something hot near his chest. Something warm and familiar, and when Misaki's eyes struggle to stay open, he sees fire. A fire he hasn't seen or felt in years, and somehow, he can't help the contempt smile that spreads over his lips. 

The fire is encased around Saruhiko's hand as he grips one side of the metal bar, the side where it's sticking out of Misaki's chest, and has begun melting through it. When he was finally able pull the large piece away from his chest, he began on the other two, making it so that there was only a few inches left sticking out instead of a foot. He works tirelessly, and once he finishes with the front he does the same to the back, melting away at the metal without removing them from Misaki's body. Saruhiko knew if he did that, it would be a miracle of Misaki made it any longer than a few minutes.

When he'd finally managed to burn the pieces of metal away, he clutched the smaller boy to him as tightly as he dared, looking down at that face that just wouldn't stop smiling at him. And looking at the fragile boy in his arms now, there was so much we wanted to say and do that he knew he would never be able too. There was so much he wanted to tell Misaki, too much in the limited amount of time he knew they had left. Misaki's breathing was growing ragged and blood was slipping past his lips more insistently now. Saruhiko was sure his breathing was uneven and stuttered, desperation clawing away at him as his old best friend was slowly dying in his arms, blood soaking his lap and the ends of his coat and dying it a deep purple.

And through it all, Misaki just smiled up at him, even reached up and place his shaking hand against his cheek as the light ever so slowly started fading from his now dulling amber eyes.

This was all so unfair.

The metal poles cut through the fabric of his pants as he held the boy in his lap and dug into his skin, but he didn't care. Couldn't care, not while Misaki was staring deep into his eyes, his blood soaking his clothes, and Misaki's hand cradling his face ever so gently, as if he were afraid he'd break under his touch.

And Saruhiko felt like he could, but all he could do was reach up and clasp that hand firmer to him, not caring if he broke apart. Just needing to feel that Misaki was there, if only for a while longer.

He knew that smile would haunt him the rest of his life after this. As if Misaki knew everything, and despite it all, had forgiven him. 

Above all, Saruhiko thought that was what nearly hurt the most. 

He tried to speak, to tell the older boy he clutched to him something, anything, to apologize, to yell, to scream, to tell him how lonely it'd been without him there, to let him now that he forgave him as well, that they'd both suffered just as deeply. Anything, but the only thing he could speak was one simple word.

"Misaki...Misaki..." he whispered. He wanted to ask why, why he'd pushed him out of the way, what had caused him to do something that drastic, to do something like that for a traitor, but just then Misaki let out a small whispering breath of his own as he pulled Saruhiko's face closer to his, and whispered so calmly, so gently, with just a trace of sadness and hope tainting his weak voice it nearly made him crumble.

" _Would you wait for me? "_

And with a final shuddering breath, Misaki's body falls limp against his chest, and Saruhiko screams in agony.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

He wakes up laying on a bed.

Misaki blinks up that the ceiling, unsure as to where he is or what he's doing here. 

But where ever 'here' was was very bright and very warm. 

It also seemed strangely familiar.

Misaki blinked before moving himself into a sitting position. 

Sunlight was everywhere, illuminating every corner of room, which he had come to recognize as the second floor of Homra, and bathing it in an almost otherworldly light. He blinked, his eyes taking a second to adjust to the sudden brightness, and took a quick glance around. It was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. It was peaceful somehow. Nothing really seemed out of the ordinary.

Misaki turned his head to the right though, a sudden shape catching the corner of his eye. And once that shape came into focus, his eyes went wide. So many emotions swam through him in that one instant, he wasn't quite sure what it was he should be feeling. 

Just a few feet away from the bed sat Totsuka, smiling warmly at him and the sun making his hair shine like sunlight itself. 

Maybe it was all just a dream. It had to be.

"Totsuka-san..."

Totsuka kept smiling at Yata, who was still sitting on the bed with a dumbfounded yet heartbroken look on his face.

"Hey there, Yata. It's been awhile, hasn't it?" 

Misaki could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. There was no way...

"I-is it really you, Totsuka-san? Am...Am I dreaming?" he asked quietly, looking down to his hands as if trying to confirm if this was reality or not.

But Totsuka just gave him a single sad smile. "You could say that.."

He didn't understand. "What? What does that mean?"

A soft sigh left Totsuka's lips. He rose to his feet and made his way over to the bed and placed himself on the edge. He met Misaki's gaze evenly, that ever present warmth was still there but it was also mixed in with a pain and sadness Misaki didn't get.

"Yata, don't you remember?"

Remember what?

"Yata...you died."

He couldn't breathe. Totsuka was fixing him with a sympathetic look, but he hardly even noticed.

He'd... died? All of the images started flooding back into his head then, like a gateway had opened up and Misaki curled in on himself. His body started shaking, a little shiver that wracked his small frame. All those things he'd thought, the faces he'd seen Saruhiko make, the tears he'd seen him shed as he bled out on his lap, in his arms. The heartbreaking pain he'd seen in those eyes, those beautiful eyes he'd bore everything to in his last moments. He remembered everything, and it hurt so much. Everything ached, and he could feel his fragile heart breaking all over again. He hadn't even realized his eyes had welled with tears and had spilled over until a gentle hand reached out to wipe them away, and Misaki blinked in surprise when Totsuka pulled away with little drops of water on his fingers. He looked down at them with a rueful smile.

"..." Misaki couldn't bring himself to say anything. His emotions were a wild mess, and if he were to open his mouth now, all of them would break free. He didn't want to burden Totsuka with that after he finally got to see him. 

"Yata."

Totsuka's gentle, yet somewhat stern tone made him look up and more tears spilled over as he did. Totsuka wasn't smiling anymore, but he scooted closer to Misaki, and much to his surprise, wrapped his arms around him in a warm hug. Not tight enough to hurt, but strong enough to let Misaki know he was here. He was really here, and he was holding together the small boy in his arms, almost afraid that he would break apart if he didn't. 

Misaki made a little gasp, momentarily stunned as he felt Totsuka clutch onto him and pull him into his chest. And that was it. The tears started slipping out more freely now, and a tiny sniffle slowly grew louder and louder until Misaki was clasping onto Totsuka's shirt and crying into his chest, his agony clear in the way he cried out and held onto his friend like a lifeline. He screamed, and cried, and screamed some more. And Totsuka just hung onto him the entire time, one hand on the back of his head and the other wrapped protectively around his back, and whenever Misaki tried to pull away after it seemed like he'd finished, he would just tighten his grip on the small boy. It only took a few seconds until Misaki surrendered to him, and his cries would start up once more, holding onto him more insistently than before.

Yata's soul was in turmoil, the complete anger, and pain, and agony that consumed him in this very moment made Totsuka's own soul quiver with sadness. He looked down at the boy who was crying into his chest. He was clearly exhausted from letting all of his emotions go, but it didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon. So Totsuka took in a small breath and began what he knew needed to happen, no matter how painful.

"Yata... you loved him... didn't you?"

The body in his arms trembled just as another scream of heartbreak broke from Misaki's lips. His grip on Totsuka's shirt tightened, twisting it in his palms as he slumped a little, but Totsuka stayed firm and held him together, refusing to let him go. Misaki didn't answer, but Totsuka had expected as much. The pained sob that had escaped him had said enough.

Totsuka ran his hand over Misaki's back in a soothing motion. "Do you hurt because you lost him?"

Misaki bit his lip and more tears leaked out upon hearing him. He didn't really know what hurt the most. Everything hurt, and so he said as much. Totsuka just nodded. 

"I know... I know."

Misaki paused, staring at a single button on Totsuka's shirt. That's right, he thought. Totsuka had died as well. He understood, he understood all of it. 

He closed his eyes firmly, and pushed his face into his friends shoulder. "How did you do it Totsuka-san, how did you...? This... it hurts so much..." he reached up then and clutched at the spot on his chest where nearly all of his pain was coming from and gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly. 

Totsuka gave a small laugh, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "It was painful at first. I mean, I was alone when I woke up here. There was no one waiting for me," he said, and Misaki's head shot up at that. He kept going though. "But things got better after a while. I found that even though I was alone for now, I would wait for everyone else to join me, no matter how long it took. I would watch over them from here and make sure they lead happy lives and made happy memories. I figured out that was what I wanted the most. Everyone to be happy. King showed up some time ago, so I'm not lonely anymore, but we've decided we'd wait together, to welcome everyone when they got here." Misaki listened, wondering how hard it must have been on Totsuka, to wake up here alone, on this bed, only to find out he'd died.

He couldn't help the single tear that fell.

Totsuka's mouth turned down into a slight frown then, and he looked down into Yata's liquid-amber eyes. "You never got to be happy though, Yata," he said softly, sadness seeping back into his face. "I thought I told you not to fight with Fushimi anymore..."

Misaki laughed, wiping some of the stray tears from his eyes. "That bastard doesn't really make it all that easy you know, Totsuka-san."

Totsuka smiled a little at that. "So I've heard." 

"I tried, Totsuka-san! I tried so hard and I just...I never knew how to reach him." He could feel the start of another breakdown coming, but he tried his best to swallow past the lump in his throat. "I didn't know how, and he never even...gave me..." He buried his face into Totsuka's shirt again, a small shiver traveling through his frame. The blond left out a sigh against auburn hair. 

"Fushimi was always a hard one to understand, but I think that if there's anyone who can do it, it's you, Yata."

Misaki blinked against fabric. 

_Me, huh..._

He let out a short laugh, but it was cold and distant. "Too bad I'm dead."

Totsuka was silent. The two of them stayed sitting together for a while longer, one unwilling to move and the other refusing to let the other fall apart. Once he was sure the boy in his arms was somewhat stitched together though, after what could have been ages of them just sitting there on the bed, Totsuka finally moved away. He could see the cracks forming once more in Yata's composure, his eyes glistening over, but he held onto his arms and stared into his eyes. Misaki was confused by the sudden change in the man, but waited patiently none the less for words he knew must be coming. The blond gave a wry smile, a twinge of apprehension in his gaze. 

"Yata, if you had the chance to live again, would you take it?"

Misaki blinked at him, dumbfounded. "W...What? What the hell kinda question is that, Totsuka-san?", he asked, his tone a twinge desperate. "Of course I fucking would!" 

"Even though King and I are both here?"

That made him pause. His fingers clenched in Totsuka's shirt again, the inner battle raging in his head. He was overjoyed to see Totsuka after everything that had happened, and if he was saying Mikoto-san was here too, they were two of the people he'd missed more than anything while he was alive.

 _Almost anything..._ his mind betrayed him. He let out a shaky sigh, but the truth of those words hit somewhere deep within his chest. He chuckled a little bit. To think there was something he missed more than Mikoto and Totsuka-san. 

It only made sense though.

"Would you still take it, Yata?" Totsuka asked again, and this time pulled away from the boy as far as he dared, darting a quick glance down to the thin blue thread that lay splayed upon the bed. One end seemed to disappear seemingly into thin air, while the other sat tied loosely around Yata's wrist. How the boy hadn't realized it yet was beyond him, but the blue of the thread was starting to fade, and he knew he had to act now, or there would be no time left.

"...I would."

The soft whisper reached his ears, and the older couldn't help the smile that came with those words. They seemed sad, but determined, and Totsuka knew there was no need to ask any further. Yata had raised his head once Totsuka had given them some distance. There were tears in his eyes, but there was no regret or hesitation in them. So the blond pushed on, the heavy weight of a single piece of paper weighing heavy in his back pocket. 

"Yata... you can go back. There's a way you can go back, to them... to him."

Misaki's eyes widened. "What...?"

Totsuka kept that carefree smile on his face as he set his feet on the floor and lifted himself off the bed, this time fully pulling away from Yata before he turned to face him. "You see, Yata," he reached into his back pocket and grabbed that single piece of paper, with very short, but very specific instructions. "In truth, you're not completely dead yet."

Yata stumbled back, his hand catching him as he threatened to fall backwards. "Hah?! What do you mean, Totsuka-san? I'm... not... I-I'm not dead yet? Wait, does that mean-"

"Your soul is in the process of coming here, but in the living world you're in the hospital right now. That thread," he said, pointing to the blue thread bound around Yata's wrist, who stared at it in complete shock. "Is what's tying you to the living world. But as you can see, there's only so much time left until it fades away." He offered a solemn smile. He lifted the paper up to Yata though and waved it a little. "Lucky for you, you got a special ticket back into the world of the living."

 Yata blindly reached for it, hope filling him up to the brim. He had another shot, he could go back-!

"But," the other added, a sorrowful gleam settling in his silvery eyes, moving the paper out of Misaki's desperate reach. "There are some conditions."

He hesitated for a moment before settling back down onto the bed. "I don't care."

Totsuka let out a breezy laugh, but there was no feeling behind it. "Now now, Yata, you don't even know what they are yet."

"I don't care. It that's gonna give me the chance to go back, I'm gonna take it," he said. "I have to."

Neither one of them said anything as they met each others eyes. That brief moment of silence was all they needed in order to understand. 

Bit by bit, the blue line faded away, the cord growing shorter and shorter, until finally Totsuka gave one heavy sigh and plopped into a chair next to the bed. "Alright, Yata. We don't have much time left, so I'll read what's written here for you."

Yata's eyes narrowed. 'Why can't I just read it?"

The other stared at the paper in his hands. "When you arrived here, this note came with you. It seems whoever sent this was unable to come themselves, and it seems they sent this in their place." He shook it a little for emphasis. "And for some reason, the letter says that the person this note pertains to cannot read it themselves, it must be an outside party."

Yata made an annoyed sound. "Alright fine, let's get this over with then." He glanced down at the thread gradually disappearing from around his wrist. "We really are running low on time..."

Totsuka cleared his throat. "Let's get started then. This... shouldn't take too long..."

"I'm ready."

That sorrowfully look was back in his eyes, but the older man didn't comment, only began reading what was on the sheet on paper in front of him. 

_"'Dear Yata Misaki,_

_I saw you die. I felt and saw everything that raced through your mind in the last moments of your life. While there was nothing I could do to help then, perhaps I can make it up to you with this opportunity._

_If you must know, I am a strain. I won't divulge my powers to you in case you decide to come back to the living world, and if  worst case scenario happens, I don't want your heartbroken lover coming after me when there's nothing else I can do. But in short, I wanted to give you a second chance. Both of you. The pain I saw that day was something I've never seen before, and would like to never see again if possible. So, Yata Misaki, here is my proposal to you;_

_By now, whoever is here with you should have asked if you would like to live again. If you would like to return to the living, please repeat the words 'I want to go back.'"_

Totsuka paused only long enough for Yata to say "I want to go back."

_'"If this letter is still being read at this point, this next part will be the conditions of my offer. My power is strong, but limited. Please understand. This is as much as I can do for you._

The blond raised his eyes for a second, looking for confirmation to continue. Yata gave a firm nod.

_" '- You will return to the normal world with all the memories you have of where you are at this moment. This means you will know how this could possibly end when you wake up, and you will remember all of these conditions._

_-You will return to the normal world, but you will only have nine months._

_-Within these nine months, the person you love must fall in love with you._

_-The person you love must also tell you, out loud, that they love you in return within this time._

_-If the person you love fails to fall in love with you or tell you aloud that they love you, after the nine months are over, you will die again._

_-You will not be able to say the words 'I love you' to them, and you will be prevented from tricking the words out of them. It must come from your partner on their own accord, without any sort of influence from you._

_-I do not have the ability to change any of these facts, and I cannot give you another chance after this, if you accept. Please understand._

_These rules may seem strange and unfair, but it's all I am able to offer with the power I have._

_If you accept these conditions, please repeat the words 'I accept your terms'."_

Misaki couldn't believe what he was hearing. The whole thing was so ridiculous and unfair, but... he didn't really have any other choice. Frustrated tears gathered in his eyes and he slammed them shut.

"....I accept your terms."

He didn't know if Totsuka was looking at him, but he could already feel the sadness rolling off of his friend in waves. After a small pause, the older man continued. 

                 "' _If you accepted my terms, the person reading this note to you will finish the process. I apologize for this letter being rushed, but I had little time to spare. Good luck, Yata Misaki. I hope this chance will let you fix what troubles your heart._

_-Yours Truly'"_

 

Totsuka stared at the words for a second longer, brows drawn together. It seemed there was more written at the end of the page, but he didn't take the initiative to speak it aloud. That is, until he let out a small breath, a tight smile on his lips as his eyes slipped closed. "It looks like the rest is up to me," he stated. Misaki tipped his head to the side in idle curiosity, but the other moved before he could say anything.

In one fluid motion, Totsuka ripped the letter in half. Misaki's eyes bulged at the sight. "Hey-!"

"It looks like the strain wants me to place this half on you," he said, leaning forward and placing the top half of the letter, the part he'd read aloud, square on Misaki's chest. "And keep the last half with me." 

Misaki blinked in confusion, but upon seeing the smile slide off Totsuka's face decided against asking about it. "O-okay." He looked down to the paper on his chest, the others hand still holding it firmly in place. "Well... now what?" He dared a quick glance at the blue thread on his wrist, and his eyes widened in panic when he noticed it had nearly faded. "Totsuka-san! We gotta hurry, please!" he begged, a growing fear starting to blossom in his chest. If they missed this chance, he could never go back, and he wouldn't ever be able to see _him_ again, or fix whatever had happened between them. Not until it was too late.

Totsuka nodded. He glanced down at the half sheet of paper he held in his other hand, a slight frown pulling at the edges of his mouth. "Are you sure about this, Yata?" he asked quietly, and Yata smiled. 

"I don't really have much of a choice, do I Totsuka-san? He's there, waiting for me. I have to go to him, no matter what. This is already more than I could have asked for, to be given a chance like this." He reached out to gently place his hand atop Totsuka's, who jolted in surprise upon the sudden contact, but didn't pull away. Misaki's lids lowered and he let out a content sigh. "I wish I could stay here for a while longer with you, and I wish I could've had the chance to see Mikoto-san, but... he needs me. The pain I saw on his face as he watched me die... I know I may not be able to tell him how I feel after I go back, but dammit if I'm not gonna try my best to show him. I have to go back Totsuka-san. I don't have any other option."

Misaki knew even as he said these words, he very may end up in failure. He might die again, and he'd have to witness seeing that face full of agony all over again. But despite it all, he had to go. He had to show him what he could no longer say out loud, even if it killed him. He needed this one last chance, no matter the consequences. The possibility of all that pain was something he was willing to pay if it meant he got to see the one person he treasured above all else, even for just nine more months. 

It would be worth every second.

The older gazed deep into his eyes. "I understand. Are you ready, Yata?"

He could only nod.

He smiled. "I'll tell King you dropped by."

Yata smiled back, tears gathering in his eyes. "Sure thing."

"Yata... Go back to the living world."

The paper underneath Totsuka's hand lit up faintly, and Misaki's body started to glow with a warm, fiery light. Little balls of bright light broke away from him and floated up into the air around him. The older couldn't help the look of awe as he watched the beautiful display of light surround the boy in front of him. It was breathtaking, just like the hopeful, yet sad smile on Yata's face.

"Thank you, Totsuka-san. I'll be back before you know it. Wait for me, ok?"

And then he disappeared in an array of beautiful lights, the warm color drifting further and further apart until nothing was left, and the bed sat empty once more.

A tiny chuckle escaped from the other. 

"Of course I'll wait," he mumbled, staring down at the other half of the letter he still held in his hands. The other half had disappeared with Yata. He read the words there over and over again. The very last sentence was one he read to himself the most, up until he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, and a rueful smile settled over his lips. 

"Hey, King...?"

He was met with comfortable silence. The fingers on his shoulder gave a light squeeze, and a familiar and tender warmth spread over his chest.

"...Yata says hello."

 

-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

He woke up laying in a hospital bed.

Nothing really registered at first. The sounds of beeping equipment next his bed, the IV's strapped to his arms, and the noises coming from outside his room he couldn't quite distinguish. His vision was still a little fuzzy, even as he tried to blink it away. The pitch white of the ceiling was the only thing that was clear to him.

He simply stared at it. There was no one else in the room with him. Or at least it didn't sound like there was. 

Misaki turned his head to the side. No one was sitting next to him in the extra chair that was placed there.  

He was alone.

His fists clenched together in the bed sheets, but a sharp aching pain made him gasp and forced him to relax his muscles. 

He blinked, turning his gaze down at his chest.

_Ah, that's right..._

_I died._

His entire body felt sore and heavy, probably the side effects from all the drugs they most likely had him doped up on. He couldn't really feel anything, and his head was still foggy and clouded. He could feel the lingering pulls of sleep creeping up on him, and he nearly closed his eyes before the door to his room opened and a figure stepped inside. 

He blinked several times, trying to fight and keep his eyes open, curious as to who had walked in because it sure as hell didn't look like a nurse. Whoever it was seemed exhausted, if the slouch and drag of their posture was anything to go by. Their hair also seemed out of place, making it seem like whoever it was hadn't been taking care of themselves. And then there was something about their expression that faintly gave off the impression of someone who had given up.

The person edged nearer to the side of his bed, and if Misaki were to look back and realize that although there hadn't been anyone sitting next to him, the tall glass of water should have been a telltale sign someone had been beside him, but his mind was too jumbled with too many things to notice small stuff like that.   

Yata blinked once more in attempt to clear the impending sleep from his eyes as the person slumped into the chair next to him. But he swore, those things on that persons face looked strangely a lot like a pair of glasses...

He turned his head, rather slowly, to see who had taken the space beside him and was met with something akin to surprise. 

Saruhiko was sitting in that chair next to him, head head hung as he rested his elbows on the edges of his knees. The man before him looked broken, an empty look on his face that probably resided in the depths of his eyes as well. It was clear just by looking at him he hadn't been taking care of himself at all, and the dark bags under his eyes did nothing to deter that theory. But for the life of him, Misaki couldn't help the smile that came over him. He felt like wanting to cry he was so happy to see that person, the one he wanted to see more than anything, right there in front of him, right where he could reach out and touch him, but he couldn't hardly move and he was too drugged up to react the way he wished he could. Instead, he opted for the one thing he knew he could do, to bring that face up and have those glacier blue eyes bore deep into his own because that was all he really wanted at that moment, all he could have asked for in that single second of time, all he needed to make sure that he was really alive and this wasn't some sort of fucked up dream he was having.

"Saru...hiko..." he breathed, hardly any higher than a whisper, but he heard a sharp and almost desperate gasp escape into the room between them at that. 

Saruhiko's head snapped up so suddenly, Misaki briefly wondered if the guy had popped something in his neck, but then those cool blue yes met his warm amber ones, and all thoughts faded from his mind. He could barely think, barely breath.  _He's here,_ he thought, a happy and content smile breaking onto his face as his eyes began to lower.  _He's really here. I'm not dreaming. Saru's really here. This is the real world._

Saruhiko moved faster than thought possible, reaching out to cup the side of Misaki's face as his eyes flitted over his face. 

"M-Misaki?" he asked, a desperate edge straining his voice, his hands sliding delicately over Misaki's cheeks, cradling the older's face in between his long trembling fingers as they ghosted over his skin. 

He smiled up at the younger as he hovered over him, simply looking at the face that had seemed so cold and emotionless just a moment ago spring to life. That desperate, hopeful, searching gaze that never seemed to leave his face and those freezing but insistent hands that almost refused to move away from his skin made something warm ignite within Misaki's chest, and he lowered his lids entirely. 

"Hey there...Saru..." was all he managed to mumble before sleep took him and his body went slack against the bed.

Saruhiko stood there staring at the boy underneath his shaking hands. He watched as Misaki's eyes closed and he fell back into a deep slumber, a content smile on his lips that he just didn't understand.

He fell back into the chair next to Misaki's bedside. His eyes were wide with disbelief, shock having basically paralyzed him. After a few moments of watching his old best friends chest rise and fall as he slept, confirming that yes, Misaki was alright, he was going to be fine, Saruhiko slumped over, pushing his glassed up as he pressed his palms into his eyes. His shoulders shook as he struggled to control his breathing, but a shuddering sob left him anyways. Wet streaks trailed over the side of his hands and down his arms, another helpless cry echoing in the small hospital room.

"You idiot..."

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

Misaki woke up several hours later to the sound of hushed voices. 

He was still a little too out of it to clearly hear what they were saying, but the second he showed signs of being awake, all the hushed muttering came to a complete halt, and he heard someone walk up to his bedside. 

"Good morning, Yata. How are you feeling?"

It was a female voice.

Misaki cracked an eye open to see a woman in hospital scrubs leaning over his bed. 

He blinked the sleep from his eyes. "Fine, I guess..." he mumbled out sleepily, his voice ragged from having just woken up.

She nodded. "That's good. I'm going to take your vitals really fast, ok?"

With a nod of agreement, she took out her stethoscope and began to listen to things like his heart beat and breathing. She asked him to take several shallow breaths at one point, but each time his lungs expanded even just slightly more than usual, pain wracked through his chest and he let out a shuddering gasp. The doctor gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and he turned his widened gaze up to her. She gave him a reassuring smile. 

"Don't worry, you're fine Yata. Just take calm, even breaths. Tell me, what do you remember about the accident?" she asked. 

He simply stared at her. What did he remember? What was she-...

A small inaudible gasp left his lips.

Everything rushed back at him at once. The towers floors collapsing, Saruhiko standing there in defeat, the fear, the tears, the pain, that _face_... 

And then the blood and the agony and the metal protruding from his body, through his lung, his stomach, and lastly his shoulder. The arms that had held him and the warmth that washed over him before he had...

 _Died. I... died._ Tears gathered in his eyes as he stared blankly at a spot above the doctors head. 

_I met Totsuka-san, and - and then..._

There had been that letter. 

Tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes and dripped down the sides of his face. 

What did he remember?

"I remember everything."

The doctor looked a little startled at the tears, but she quickly recovered and reached into her scrubs to pull out some tissues. Gingerly, she swiped up the streaks across his face. She sat with him for awhile to make sure he was alright before she continued to take his vital signs and began asking him questions. He answered most of them to the best of his knowledge, or what he knew he could talk about without tearing up again. The first time had been embarrassing enough. 

The doctor later explained that Yata's lung had been punctured and had welled with blood. She told him that he'd been in the operating room for almost 2 hours before they were able to stabilize him, cleared his lung of blood and had done emergency surgery. But even now, the possibility of having to remove the lung was a questionable possibility. The wound to his shoulder had been bad, but nothing fatal, she told him it would just take some time before it healed and he'd be able to use it properly. The pipe that had went through his stomach had done a little bit more damage though, and had also been apart of the reason he'd been in surgery for so long. Apparently it had barely missed his liver. 

It was hard to hear. He'd known he'd almost died, and the hear the story of how it had almost happened sent a shiver down his spine. He'd seen that thread of his life force being connected to the living world fading right in front of him. He knew how close he had been to never returning, unable to see his friends again, to see Anna grow up, or tell Saruhiko all that needed to be said. He'd nearly lost everything, and had known what it looked like from both sides. 

The fear was nearly crippling. 

After confirming that her patient was in stable condition, she told him that he'd have to recover in the hospital for a few more weeks before he'd be able to be released. Yata took it in stride. They said it would probably be a month before he'd be able to leave, but he should be nearly healed by then if he stayed in bed and rested. 

He smiled.

_A month, huh?_

The light didn't quite reach his eyes when he smiled for the next few days.

 

_-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_

 

An entire week had passed, and everyone had come to visit him and see how he was doing.

This was, everyone except Saruhiko. 

The day after he'd woken up, Anna and Kusanagi-san had come to see him. Anna had rushed to his bedside and looked as if she was about to throw her arms around him, when she blinked, a pained expression crossing over her eyes for a moment before she withdrew and simply stared at him. Kusanagi simply stayed silent, but was always one step behind the small girl with his hands in his pockets.

"Misaki..." she whispered, looking to each part of his body that had been wounded with worry.

He tried to smile, but refused to meet her eyes. "Hey, Anna..."

She clutched the edges of her tiny red dress, her hands shaking within the fabric. 

"Idiot Misaki..."

He blinked, eyes going wide at the unexpected words from the younger girl. But when he saw her shaking hands and eyes full of unshed tears did he sigh and then, he let out a soft chuckle and laid his head back against his pillow to stare at the ceiling. "Heh, I guess you're right," he said, more to himself than anyone else though. "I'm an idiot..."

Just then he felt something touch his hand, and he jumped at the initial contact. When he looked down, Anna has holding his hand in both of hers with an expression he didn't know how to read. She gripped his hand tighter, little tremors wracking through her hands as she held his. Yata looked down at the small girl, a weird sense of contentment washing over him. He felt tears of his own spring to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

"Well, it's good to know that you're doing fine now, Yata-chan," Kusanagi finally spoke up, a small relieved smile barely gracing his features before it faded into a worried frown. "You had all of us worried. We weren't sure if you would..." 

Yata snorted. "Who are you kidding? I'm Yatagarasu, it'll take more than that to kill me!"

Kusanagi simply stared at him for a long moment before he sighed and his shoulders slumped. "I suppose you're right. You get beaten down, but nobody can keep you on the ground, now can they?" he chuckled.

Yata smirked. "Damn straight they can't! I'll get back up every time, no matter what!"

Both Anna and Kusanagi smiled at that. "Good to hear. Anna and I should be heading back to Homra though, all the guys are sittin' there waitin' for us to give them the news on your condition. Now that we know you're in stable condition, we need to let everyone know you're alive so they can come see for themselves. Kamamoto was so desperate to see if you ok that he threatened to bust down the hospital doors so he could be by your side, but they only allowed the person who was there during the accident to come with you in the ambulance and inside, so its time we go calm him down and know you're fine-"

"Wait, what?" Yata asked. "They only let one person see me? Until when?"

Kusanagi paused, a calculating look in his eyes before he answered. "They only let visitors in for you about an hour ago. The only person who was allowed to see you before that was-"

"Saruhiko."

"...Yes, that's right."

 He hadn't seen him since he'd woken up the one time before. Where was he? Surely he hadn't just left after he'd woken up...

Had he?

"Hey, Kusanagi-san, you didn't happen to see Saruhiko anywhere, did you?"

The older shook his head. "Nope, not while Anna and I have been here." He glanced down to the small girl in front of him. "Anna?"

She was staring at the chair next to Yata's bed, her brows pushed slightly together. "Saruhiko was here..."

Yata sighed. "Yeah, he was, but I haven't seen him since I've been fully awake. I'm pretty sure I was still drugged up on a ton of pain med's when I did see him, but..."

Anna looked back to him, gaze sullen and a red marble in her hand. "I don't sense Saruhiko in this building..."

Kusanagi made a stressed sound, placing his hand on his forehead. "What, did he go home or something?"

Yata deflated. Home? So what, he just up and left as soon as he was sure he'd woken up, wasn't dead?

He grit his teeth.

_Shitty bastard..._

"Well, it's time for us to go," Kusanagi said, walking up to Yata's bedside to place a hand atop his head with an affectionate smile. "Glad to see you're still with us, Yata. We'll be back soon. Take care until then, alright?"

Yata nodded. "Course!"

"Good. Ok, Anna time to go, we need to let Yata-chan rest for a while so he can recover."

Anna gave a tiny nod and started to follow Kusanagi out of his room, but paused when she reached the door. Kusanagi continued walking, unaware that she had stopped without him. She gave Misaki a look before glancing to the chair and back again. Yata's brows drew together in confusion. 

"Anna?"

She tensed a little and looked away, hesitating a moment. She seemed to make up her mind though after a bit of thought, and met his gaze evenly, a small trace of sadness in her eyes though. 

"Saruhiko has cried for Misaki," she said. "Saruhiko was afraid... he thought Misaki would die." It was all she said before the little girl blinked once, and then walked out of his room to follow after Kusanagi, leaving Misaki laying there with a dumbfounded expression. 

_...What?_

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Within the time span of a week and a half, Anna had come once more, Kusanagi had come with her and then three times by himself, and Kamamoto had come by nearly every other day. Some of the guys had come together to make sure he was still alive and breathing. Eric had tried to leave as soon as he'd seen he wasn't dying, the bastard, and had gotten scolded by Dewa and told him to stay with everyone until they left, much to Eric's displeasure. Chitose poked fun at him a little, but none of the things he said had all that much behind them, unless he wanted to count the relief in his eyes, but that was besides the point. After a while they'd left though. It was much to Yata's surprise when he saw the Blue King walk in with the heartless woman, Awashima Seri, around the middle of the first week though. It was super awkward the entire time they were there, but that creep of a Blue King had come to 'offer his condolences', which also included a bunch of chocolate he never knew he wanted.

But even after two weeks had nearly passed, Saruhiko still hadn't come to visit him. Even his king had come, but apparently the person who stayed with him the entire time he'd been having surgery done couldn't bother to show up for five minutes? It was really pissing Misaki off. 

When it had reached exactly two weeks, he told the nurses to stop letting people up to his room unless their name was Fushimi Saruhiko. Whenever anyone tried to come visist, the nurses would come ask if he still didn't want to be seen, because there were people waiting to see him downstairs. When he asked for their name, it was never the name he wanted to hear, and he even turned away Anna and Kusanagi when they tried to come see him.  

By now his injuries were healing steadily, and turns out he'd be able to be released a few days earlier than expected, according to the doctor. He'd take every second he could get. 

It had been about five days since he'd stopped letting anyone up to his room, and each day he could feel the hopelessness of his situation getting worse and worse. Misaki would stare out the window for hours, waiting. Waiting for any sign of the one person he wanted-  _needed_ \- to see. But that person never came. Never called. Nothing. 

A hole was starting to rot away inside of Misaki's chest as he sat there by himself, drowning in his own endless thoughts. 

It was later that night when everything had finally seemed to sink in, and he broke down. He turned onto his side and wept silently to himself, the sheets muffling any sound that escaped him. 

The weight of that letter bared heavy on his mind. He only had nine months back in this world, and being trapped in this hospital bed for one of those months, without the ability to go anywhere or do anything was crushing. It was so much time wasted, so much time that he didn't have to spare. And if Saru wasn't even going to bother to show up at all during this first month, he would have to start at the very beginning at only eight months, and that thought itself made the tears flow that much more freely. He could do little more than send anyone else besides Saru away from his room, and tell Kamamoto he wouldn't let anyone else up until he finally came. What more could he do, laying here in this bed with an injured lung and a healing hole in his stomach, unable to even walk to the bathroom on his own? 

And then he thought about the other conditions of the letter. In order to stay in the living world, Saru had to tell him, out loud and to his face, with utter sincerity, that he loved him. But this was Saru after all, he wept. The chances of that emotionally compromised bastard coming out and telling him he loved him was slim to none, and the chances that he'd die again where higher than he'd like to admit. He could very well die. He could die, and he could die in front of Saru all over again, to have to see that pain and those tears and cause him all that grief all over again, and Misaki hated it. He hated it so much, that all this could end in failure. That he'd die again with a broken heart, unfinished business, unsaid words, and leaving behind another broken heart in the process. 

He couldn't bare it. The thought of hurting him like that, the possibility he'd make the person he cherished more than anything break apart and there would be nothing he could do to put him back together.

Because this time he'd be gone for good. 

So Misaki wept and wept, muffling his pained screams into his pillow and soaking through it with his tears. He cried for hours and hours, unable to stop the steady flow that streamed down his face. His lung cried out in protest against his ragged breathing, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. His heart too much.

He ended up crying himself to sleep that night, his chest burning from the amount of screaming he'd done and the uneven and panicked breaths he'd taken. His stomach hurt from lying on his side for too long and pushing his skin up into the healing wound, but he fell asleep like that regardless. Even his shoulder hurt from how tightly he'd been gripping the sheets to muffle his cries. But eventually, he drifted off into a restless slumber, a final tear dripping off his cheek and falling onto the fabric below.

_Saru... Where are you?_

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

The next day, Misaki awoke to the sound of a light tapping against his door. 

"Yata-kun? Are you awake? It's time to take your medication." It was a female voice, and sounded a lot like one of the nurses that had been taking care of him the past few weeks.  He let out a grumbling sigh and looked at the clock. It read 9:12 AM. He let out something akin to a growl and shoved his face into his pillow.  _Ugh..._

He rolled himself onto his back and reached over to grab the little remote thing that made the bed move so he would be able to sit up, without having to put any sort of strain on his stomach or shoulder. A small yawn escaped him as he tried to blink the sleep from his eyes. His face felt sticky from the night before, but there wasn't much he could do until after he took his meds for the morning. 

"Yeah, I'm up!" 

The door opened off to his right, and Yata watched as one of the familiar nurses entered his room. She gave him a bright smile. "Good morning, Yata-kun! How are you today?"

He offered a lazy morning smile. "Good, thanks." 

She nodded happily. "That's good! Alright, here is your medication for the day," she said, offering them to him along with a tray of breakfast, which consisted of a small bowl of mixed fruit, two over-medium eggs, and a glass of apple juice and a small glass of water to take his meds with . "And your breakfast. Is this alright?"

He gave a firm nod, reaching out to pick up the fork and begin eating. "This is great, thanks." He took a few bits of fruit before reaching over to take his morning medication, popping them in his mouth, and flushing them down with some water. After the nurse had seen that he'd taken them, she jotted down some notes in her note book and took the seat beside him. He paused mid-chew in confusion, watching her as she wrote. Usually they just left after they'd seen he'd taken his meds, but it seemed like that wasn't happening today. She blinked at one point though, and glanced up to see Yata's confused expression.

"Oh, I apologize. There are some other things you have planned for the day, so I figured I'd just wait here until you were done  with your meal so we could move on without too many interruptions. Is that alright?" she asked.

 _Well, whatever I guess..._ "It's fine. Do I have a therapy session or something? The doctor said I'd have to start going to some of those.."

The nurse shook her head. "No, it's something else. Don't worry, just take your time, we'll get around to it a little later."

Yata sighed. "Fine, fine," and dug back into his breakfast. It didn't take long until he was done, and after that the nurse proceeded to ask him the standard questions about how he was feeling and what his pain levels were and where. He answered everything she had for him, and it wasn't twenty minutes after she'd walked in did she rise from the chair and slip her clipboard under her arm. 

"Alright, Yata-kun, that's it for today. I'll excuse myself for now, but just press the button on the remote if you need anything, ok? I'll be back in an hour to check on you."

He leaned back against the bed, feeling a little better now that he had a full stomach and had taken his pain meds. "Sure thing, thanks!"

She gave one final smile and went to close the door behind her as she left. But Yata watched in faint puzzlement when he noticed her hand was placed on the outer edge on the inside of the door, barely keeping it open although he couldn't see the rest of her. It seemed as though she was talking to someone outside his room, but both of their voices were too low for him to fully understand what they were saying. But, he swore he thought he heard the words "you can go in now", from her. 

He felt a prick of anger within him. He'd specifically told them he wasn't taking any visitors, and if they were letting people in anyways there was going to be a major issue here-

The door opened. Misaki's eyes widened and all the breath left him at once.

Saruhiko stood in the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his gaze anywhere but on Misaki, but he couldn't care less about that right now. 

He was here. That was all that mattered to Misaki in this moment. He was here.

"Saruhiko..."

He'd finally come. 

The other made an annoyed sound at the surprised gasp of his name, stepping further into the room and letting the door softly click shut behind him. "Well, what did you expect, Misaki? You prevent anyone from coming to see you for days, saying you won't let anyone come up here to see you unless I came and saw you first." He walked around to Misaki's bedside, but didn't make any sort of move to sit, as if he wasn't planning on staying long. It lit a fire of determination in Misaki. There was no way he was gonna let that bastard leave so easily.

"Really, Misaki, to have your stupid Homra buddies chase after me just-"

"Why did you leave?"

Saruhiko paused, his mouth still hanging open from when Misaki had interrupted him. He made no move to close it though, his eyes wide in clear surprise.

Misaki's fists bunch together in the sheets when he didn't answer him. "Why didn't you come  _back,_ Saru? I-I wake up and see you here beside me, and then when I wake up for good, you're gone. And then you didn't even bother to come back. What the hell, Saru?"

He huffed, glancing away from Misaki with an obviously displeased frown. "I'm here now, aren't I?"

"After I told everyone I wasn't letting anyone else back in here until your sorry ass decided to show up!"

He clicked his tongue. "You're annoying, Misaki."

"Saru, you bastard-!"

"Isn't it fine though? Why are you so upset that I didn't come to visit you? I'm a traitor aren't I, Misaki? Why does it even matter?" he drawled, and Misaki couldn't understand why Saruhiko looked so emotionless right now. It was so frustrating, that after everything that had happened he was acting to cold and standoffish. 

His fists tightened in the bed sheets, slamming his eyes closed and gritting his teeth. He took a few deep breaths before he reopened them, and gave the person before him the most level stare he could. 

"It matters, Saru. It matters a lot."

Blue eyes darkened. "What are you talking about?" His voice was wavering.

Misaki another deep breath. He wasn't really sure where to go with this. He glanced back at the chair that still sat empty and thought about that first day that Anna and Kusanagi had dropped by. 

_"Saruhiko has cried for Misaki. Saruhiko was afraid... he thought Misaki would die."_

He looked up to Saruhiko's face, amber clashing with blue the moment their eyes met. 

He had to do this. He didn't have any time to spare. 

"Anna came by the other day."

Fushimi tensed. 

"She told me... she told me that you cried and that you thought that I would die or something? You can't lie to me anymore, Saruhiko. I remember everything that happened that day, and then I find out you came with me in the ambulence-"

"Stop it."

" -and sat there while I was in surgery for more than two hours, and even after all of that, you sat in my fucking hospital room with me, barely looking like you got any sleep-"

" _Stop it, Misaki."_

" -waiting for any signs of me waking up, but then as soon as I do, you just fucking _leave me here_ , alone and confused and wondering what the fuck is even going on, and you just bailed out once you found out I was awake, but then Anna comes in here and tells me you've been  _fucking crying_ because you thought I could have  _actually died_. But did you stay? No, you fucking left instead, like you always do! You left and I woke up wondering where the hell you were, dammit! You should have fucking been here when I woke up!" he screamed, tears threatening to fall, but he paused, looked deep into Saruhiko's shocked eyes and quietly whispered, "Why weren't you here?" 

Fushimi dipped his head to hide behind the shadow of his bangs, and said nothing. Misaki sat gasping for breath waiting so him to say something, anything so that it would all make sense. All he wanted was an explanation, about why he left him at the hospital, about why he left him at Homra. He wanted so many answers, so many things to be said and explained, but when he saw that emotionless look in his old friends eyes once again, he knew it wouldn't be that easily, especially with a hint of that maniac smile that was starting to grow on the others lips.

"What, Misaki, you want to know why I left you here?" he asked, his voice teetering between hysterics and desperation. "It's because I couldn't care less about what happened. I simply realized I was wasting my time and left. Why is that so hard for you to believe? I simply didn't care."

Somehow, Misaki wasn't convinced. Whether if it was from the way Saruhiko's body was slightly trembling, or that desperate twinge in his voice, as if he wasn't the only one he was trying to convince, and it gave Misaki hope. 

He blinked up at the other, refusing to rise to the bait laid before him, and met Saruhiko's gaze. "I don't believe you."

Fushimi let out a snort, a smirk contorting his face, taking his hand out of his pocket to set it on his hip and pushing up his glasses with the other. "That's a shame. You really must be stupid to think there was something behind me staying here with you. I just didn't want to give those reds a reason to come screaming after us, that's all. Really Misaki, to think that you thought there was something more behind it is so childish. I was just doing my job, nothing more. Your idiotic ideas are getting more and more bold these days, aren't they?"

His resolve refused to waver, no matter how badly he wanted to retaliate for those words, he held himself together. He let out a small, tired sigh. "I'm sorry Saru, but I can't do this anymore."

That made Fushimi freeze, something in his gaze quivering. It hardly looked like he dared to breathe, and within those winter-like eyes, Misaki swore he thought he saw fear. 

"...What do you mean, Misaki? What can't you do anymore?" he asked, voice low but riding on the edge of hysterics. His eyes were wide and wavering, his body tense and Yata noticed him slightly trembling. 

He gave him a tired sigh. This was something he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with quite yet, but he didn't have much choice on the matter. That invisible timer that sat above his head didn't leave him with many options. 

"This, Saru," he said, motioning to the space between them. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do whatever _this_ is that we've been playing along to for who knows how long."

Saruhiko was stunned. His eyes traveled to the space that Misaki had motioned too, looking as if nothing was quite sinking in. And Yata watched as so many emotions started to dance across his face and he could do little more than watch him. He saw the shock and the surprise that was steadily being taken over by denial, and then fear. So much fear it made Misaki think back to that day full of tears and pain and blood and hopeless words that had left both of them broken.

Unfortunately, this was only the beginning. 

And now, Saruhiko was _smiling,_ and Misaki knew at that very moment this was going to be rough. 

"So what Misaki, what is it you're trying to say?" he snickered. "Are you trying to tell me you're done with me? But you can't be though, can you, I'm a traitor after all, I left you and your precious Homra-! You can't just leave traitor alone after all he did to you, can you-?" His voice was starting to crack, his composure slipping bit by bit. 

Yata stared at him, blinking once, twice from his seat on the bed before he opened his mouth to say "I don't care about any of that, Saru. Not anymore."

Saruhiko's limbs went slack. His smile faded and he lowered his head, his bangs hiding his face. "I don't understand you, Misaki. You don't make any sense."

"I'm trying to tell you, I don't want to-"

"You can't leave."

Yata blinked, pausing for a second as his brows furrowed. "Huh?"

That smile was back again. "You can't escape from what happened. You think you can just run away from reality, pretend that nothing ever happened? What, are you trying to start from scratch? Trying to erase what happened?" he sneered. "Well I won't let you. Too much has happened for it to simply be erased. And starting over is basically the same thing in a different way. Really, are you an idiot?"

Yata tried to hold back the pang of hurt that came with those words. "What the hell are you talking about, you shitty monkey? I'm you'd just fucking listen, I'm trying to say that I can't fight with-"

"Come now, Misaki. Surely you aren't so dense as to be so completely clueless to what I'm saying. You can't erase the past, no matter how hard you try."

"That's not what I'm saying, shut up for a fucking second I just-"

"You can't run off in your own delusions forever, Misaki. Because I won't let you forget, I won't let you forget me."

That made him stop, whatever else he was going to say dying on his tongue. "What?"

Saruhiko glanced away, still partially hidden behind soft black hair and a pair of glasses, but said nothing. 

"Saru, what are you-"

"I'm leaving," he said abruptly, turning around and walking towards the door. 

"Wha-?! Saru, you bastard! Get the fuck back here!"

The other boy reached out to open the door the same time that Yata told himself 'fuck it' and jumped out of bed as fast as he dared. Saruhiko turned at the sudden sound, eyes flying wide when he saw Misaki no longer sitting in bed and now walking toward him with a determined fire set in his eyes. In his moment of surprise, Yata reached out and snatched him by the front of his shirt, using as much strength as his shoulder would allow, slammed the door shut and threw Saruhiko against the wall. His eyes were blazing, fighting off that mocking smile with the anger that boiled within him.

"You asshole, don't fucking run away!"

He was met with a snort. "But isn't that what you're trying to do, Mi-sa-ki?" 

"No, you idiot! Just-"

"You're wasting your-"

" _Shut the fuck up for a second and let me talk!"_

Saruhiko's lips parted in surprise at the sudden outburst, but said nothing. Misaki let out a frustrated huff.

"Stupid monkey, always jumping to conclusions," he growled, loosening his hold in the others shirt. "That's not what I meant by that, Saru. When I said I'm done with this-" he motioned to the space between them again "-I meant that I'm done fighting you. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep up this kind of relationship that has us fighting against each other all the time. I can't. I won't. I won't fight you anymore Saru, not after everything that happened almost three weeks ago."  He stopped, staring down at the hand that still held Saruhiko's shirt. "I can't go through something like that again. I'm done."

The other hung his head in defeat. They stayed like for awhile, neither of them saying anything. The silence stretched between them It was after a few minutes that Saruhiko finally spoke up, but it was little more than a whisper when he said. "What is it you want from me? Do you want me to leave, is that it? Is it me you're trying to say you're done with?"

Yata couldn't help the pang of hurt that came with those words, his tone clearly telling him he'd given up, didn't know where else to go. 

"No, you idiot," he said, letting a small portion of the affection he felt for him slip into his words and smile. "If anything, this is only the beginning with you.""

Saruhiko's head rose at that, confusion in his eyes, but a small trace of hope as well. "What?"

"I want to start over with you, Saru. I can't be enemies with you anymore, but I can't cut you out of my life either. So I want to start from the beginning again. I don't care how long it takes dammit, I don't care if we've got to restart a hundred times until we get it right, and I will if that's what it takes! I'm not letting you leave me again, not after I... I almost...I can't.."

There was a tense silence between them. It lingered in the air for a second, until finally it was broke with;

"....You almost died."

Misaki blinked. "Huh?"

Saruhiko's eyes raised to meet his, a lifeless, blank look in them that scared Misaki half to death. He didn't want to see him look like that, that look terrified him, but Saruhiko pushed forward. "You almost died. I saw you almost die. In the operating room. I couldn't see much, but-...you...through the little window..." his voice shook, but his eyes ever wavered. His body was trembling again, and Misaki could do little more than slip his hand up to his cheek , testing the waters, but the second his fingertips brushed the side of his face, Saruhiko was leaning into his hand, eyes growing red behind his glasses. "I almost saw you die, Misaki."

"Wha...What are you..." he muttered, unsure what to say, where he was trying to go with this, temporarily paralyzed in shock from how easily he had taken his affection. But his question was soon answered.

"Your heart stopped. Twice. I saw your heart stop twice, Misaki, in that operating room, y-you almost..." he trembled, his voice cracking at the end as he tried his best not to cry. Misaki could only stare in a mix of wonder and blatant shock. 

_So I really had come that close to dying..._

For some reason, he was strangely calm about that fact though, and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it's because he'd seen for himself how close he had come to never returning.

Maybe it's because he knew it could have ended so much worse. 

His thumb moved to catch a tear as it dripped down Saruhiko's cheek, wiping it away. 

"I know. And that's why I wanna start over, Saru. That day... I don't want to leave yet when there are so many things I still need to do and to fix and to say... So please, Saruhiko, let's fix this shitty mess we're in and start from the beginning, yeah?"

The other boy glanced away with a small frown and doubt clouding his eyes. He seemed to be mulling it over in his head, and Misaki briefly wondered if he'd have to fight to get to him to agree to this too, but was pleasantly surprised when he gave a small, but definite nod of his head, pulling away from Misaki's hand. 

"Fine..." he mumbled, fixing his glasses and wiping away the remaining tears.

And Yata smiled so wide, the happiness he felt in that moment made up for the past three weeks entirely. He felt tears of his own slip over his cheeks, and he couldn't help the sobs that soon followed. Saruhiko looked a little shocked by the tears at first, all " _Why the hell are you crying you dumbass, I said yes didn't I, shouldn't you be happy instead of crying like a little kid?"_ but he held a small gleam of satisfaction in his eyes that made the tears fall even harder. 

But he was happy he said. So happy. He was happy he finally had a chance to fix things, finally make things right between them. 

This was only the beginning, there was still so much that needed to happen, but for now, with Saruhiko helping get him back into bed so he could rest again, telling him he'd stay for a while before heading home, he couldn't help but feel like everything would be ok.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

The next few days after that were hard. In order to fix what had happened between them, Misaki had told Saru that they needed to talk it out, no matter how hard or painful it would be. They had to set this right, starting with the Homra betrayal. Saruhiko had agreed, and thus began a very long and emotionally taxing next few days.  

Everyday for the next week or so, Saruhiko came by to visit him, and they would talk about what had happened and what had gone wrong. Some parts were easier to listen to than others, and some conversations ended up in screaming matches that also ended in angry tears and one of them walking out while the other stayed trapped in bed, both seething or one in pain and hurt. But no matter what, even if Saru walked out of his room, he always came back, and they'd begin again. Misaki was actually rather impressed that Saru was actually going through and trying so hard to fix this. He wasn't going to complain though. In fact, he couldn't have hoped for better. 

It had taken about a week of screaming, crying, and bunch of feelings neither of them were quite ready for until they had finally come to a mutual understanding. It had been rough, but both were happy that all of the things that had caused so much grief before was now fixed and a thing of the past. Now, Saruhiko came everyday, (although it was a little awkward and probably would be for a while until they readjusted  to each other) and would often just sit and read a book or do some paper work he needed to finish. They would chat about small things every once and awhile, and after several hours, Saru would get up and tell Misaki that he had to head home, but he'd come back again tomorrow. 

And that was all he could have asked for at this point. For him to come back to him. 

They had fixed all of their problems they'd had in the past, and now it was down to getting familiar around each other in order to once again build up that friendship once more. After everything had been over, they'd given each other a well deserved hug in the midst of tears and happy smiles from the both of them, and Misaki was filled with so much hope after everything was said and done.

Overall, everything seemed to be heading int the right direction, and for the moment, he couldn't have been happier. 

But by now, an entire month had passed, and reality was hitting harder and harder each day. 

Every night, he dreamed of death, a death that haunted him and plagued him, and every morning he woke with fresh tears in his eyes and a hollow feeling in his heart.  

 

 

 


End file.
